Friday, April 23, 2010
I am not joking. I almost died…twice. Because of these little Petit Fours. Don’t they look sweet, cute, and totally innocent? Well do not fall for it. They are actually killer, evil, Petit Fours! Ok so I bet you are still thinking I am crazy…but hear me out. I had some leftover cake and decided that I would make Petit Fours because I had never made them and thought that they were one of the things that someone should make in their lifetime.
Everything was going fine until I was trying to slice them into perfect squares and was not really paying attention….and sliced deep into my finger. And I mean DEEP! Within two seconds there was blood EVERYWHERE and I thought I was going to have to go to the emergency room (which looking at it now, I think it needed a few stitches). And while my Mom would tell you I am a big baby when it comes to being hurt and even more of a drama queen about it (which I refuse to confirm or deny)…it really was bleeding all over the place. Surprisingly, I avoided the cake with my oozing mess and ran to my first aid kit. I somehow managed to stop the bleeding and did not die alone on my bathroom floor with unfinished Petit Fours laying sadly in the kitchen (see not dramatic at all). So I got myself all cleaned up, as well as the kitchen, and then finished these little demons…
So remember how I said they almost killed me twice? Well, last night I woke up in a panicky sweat. I was dreaming that I was being chased by a ghost that looked like Casper. But it was red instead of white and he looked kind of like the girl from The Exorcist when she had her pea soup incident. So like I said, wake up with my heart thumping and realize it was another stupid dream…but it was not as bad as my dream about Lucky Charms… Wait, have I ever told you about my dream about Lucky Charms? No? Well, see I dreamed that my husband, Jorge, was going to sell me to African slave traders for a bowl of Lucky Charms. We were at the ship dock and these African slave traders grabbed me and told Jorge that if he would let them take me into slavery, they would give him Lucky Charms. And like the gentlemen he is, he of course told them no. But then they told him they would throw in the milk, bowl, and spoon for free. To which I started telling him I would give him a lifetime supply if he would not hand me over to these African slave traders…to which he said, “But do you have my lifetime supply right here, right now?”. And of course I didn’t, because who other then the little green leprechaun carries around a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms? So in my dream, he then handed me over to African slave traders and while I am screaming NOOOOOOOO!!!!, he says “But Honey, they ARE magically delicious!”. So yes, now you can agree, I have very crazy unusual dreams.
So…uh what was I talking about? Oh ya! So I woke up with my heart pounding, scared to death of the red Casper in my dream. And I thought, man I am sweating like crazy! And I rolled over and realized I was only sweating on my face and my hand…which was weird. So I rolled over and hit the light and looked down and there was blood EVERY WHERE! All over my hand, my arm, my face, and my sheet. And my heart starts thumping out of my chest again and my immediate thought was, OMG it has finally happened! Someone has snuck in my house, and tried to murder me while I sleep! And they didn’t finish the job! They could still be here (p.s. can you tell I watch too much Criminal Minds and Cold Case?)! Que my heart pounding out of my chest like on the cartoons BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
And then…slowly my brain finally caught up and realized…my band-aid had fallen off and my cut had reopened. To make matters worse, before going to bed I had a headache and took Advil (which thins your blood) so you can imagine how bloody of an imaginary murder scene I had on my hands! If Jorge, did not sleep through everything I am sure he would have been very worried for my life like I was (well actually, probably not, since I may or may not be a drama queen). But either way, the Petit Fours have successfully almost given me a heart attack, which was their second attempt at my life in 24 hours. So now you know, despite their innocent look, Petit Fours are pure evil.
So, if my tale has not frightened you enough away from making these evil little devils…here are some links from trusted blogs with pictures and recipes/ideas on exactly how to make the perfect Petit Four.
In the end, the two things I have learned:
1. Petit Fours are a pain in the ass to make, and are pure evil.
2. Hydrogen Peroxide will take blood out of anything! (Thanks Mom!)