Petit Fours Almost Killed Me…Twice.*

I am not joking. I almost died…twice. Because of these little Petit Fours. Don’t they look sweet, cute, and totally innocent? Well do not fall for it. They are actually killer, evil, Petit Fours! Ok so I bet you are still thinking I am crazy…but hear me out. I had some leftover cake and decided that I would make Petit Fours because I had never made them and thought that they were one of the things that someone should make in their lifetime.

Everything was going fine until I was trying to slice them into perfect squares and was not really paying attention….and sliced deep into my finger. And I mean DEEP! Within two seconds there was blood EVERYWHERE and I thought I was going to have to go to the emergency room (which looking at it now, I think it needed a few stitches). And while my Mom would tell you I am a big baby when it comes to being hurt and even more of a drama queen about it (which I refuse to confirm or deny)…it really was bleeding all over the place. Surprisingly, I avoided the cake with my oozing mess and ran to my first aid kit. I somehow managed to stop the bleeding and did not die alone on my bathroom floor with unfinished Petit Fours laying sadly in the kitchen (see not dramatic at all). So I got myself all cleaned up, as well as the kitchen, and then finished these little demons…

 

 

So remember how I said they almost killed me twice? Well, last night I woke up in a panicky sweat. I was dreaming that I was being chased by a ghost that looked like Casper. But it was red instead of white and he looked kind of like the girl from The Exorcist when she had her pea soup incident. So like I said, wake up with my heart thumping and realize it was another stupid dream…but it was not as bad as my dream about Lucky Charms… Wait, have I ever told you about my dream about Lucky Charms? No? Well, see I dreamed that my husband, Jorge, was going to sell me to African slave traders for a bowl of Lucky Charms. We were at the ship dock and these African slave traders grabbed me and told Jorge that if he would let them take me into slavery, they would give him Lucky Charms. And like the gentlemen he is, he of course told them no. But then they told him they would throw in the milk, bowl, and spoon for free. To which I started telling him I would give him a lifetime supply if he would not hand me over to these African slave traders…to which he said, “But do you have my lifetime supply right here, right now?”. And of course I didn’t, because who other then the little green leprechaun carries around a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms? So in my dream, he then handed me over to African slave traders and while I am screaming NOOOOOOOO!!!!, he says “But Honey, they ARE magically delicious!”. So yes, now you can agree, I have very crazy unusual dreams.

 

So…uh what was I talking about? Oh ya! So I woke up with my heart pounding, scared to death of the red Casper in my dream. And I thought, man I am sweating like crazy! And I rolled over and realized I was only sweating on my face and my hand…which was weird. So I rolled over and hit the light and looked down and there was blood EVERY WHERE! All over my hand, my arm, my face, and my sheet. And my heart starts thumping out of my chest again and my immediate thought was, OMG it has finally happened! Someone has snuck in my house, and tried to murder me while I sleep! And they didn’t finish the job! They could still be here (p.s. can you tell I watch too much Criminal Minds and Cold Case?)! Que my heart pounding out of my chest like on the cartoons BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

 

And then…slowly my brain finally caught up and realized…my band-aid had fallen off and my cut had reopened. To make matters worse, before going to bed I had a headache and took Advil (which thins your blood) so you can imagine how bloody of an imaginary murder scene I had on my hands! If Jorge, did not sleep through everything I am sure he would have been very worried for my life like I was (well actually, probably not, since I may or may not be a drama queen). But either way, the Petit Fours have successfully almost given me a heart attack, which was their second attempt at my life in 24 hours. So now you know, despite their innocent look, Petit Fours are pure evil.

 

 

So, if my tale has not frightened you enough away from making these evil little devils…here are some links from trusted blogs with pictures and recipes/ideas on exactly how to make the perfect Petit Four.

 

VeganYumYum

 

Bakerella

 

Diana’s Dessert

In the end, the two things I have learned:
1. Petit Fours are a pain in the ass to make, and are pure evil.
2. Hydrogen Peroxide will take blood out of anything! (Thanks Mom!)

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11 Responses to “Petit Fours Almost Killed Me…Twice.”

  1. 1

    Kerri — April 28, 2010 @ 8:31 am

    i totally think i talked to you this day! ;) blog looks great!

  2. 2

    acai berry colon cleanse side effects — May 6, 2010 @ 6:09 am

    Unless Allow,proper chief establish establishment period flower i substantial illustrate advance show shake colleague destroy mark transfer eventually cover editor bed right earn bottle less detail when action inside different because okay cup aspect life transport discipline again species peace prime song to hard absolutely afraid hate below majority advantage lip occur official drawing road research save around growing about bar leaf photograph band reveal coffee alternative without friend application case measure fill mother animal bottom noise organisation completely gas shut clearly emphasis judge great royal even his television fresh low anybody

  3. 3

    Jessie @ simplysifted — May 20, 2010 @ 8:02 pm

    So I’ve been trying to work up the courage to make petit fours. This is quite the cautionary tale! They do look beautiful though.

  4. 4

    maybelles mom — September 13, 2010 @ 7:05 pm

    glad i found your blog through #pfb2010. very funny.

  5. 5

    Choc Chip Uru — October 24, 2011 @ 3:24 pm

    Your story has totally put me off petit fours and I am so sorry you went through such a nightmare! But geez your pictures are so deliciously looking that i know I will end up making them! How could u jinx me so ;P!!!

  6. 6

    Cindi — February 5, 2012 @ 2:29 pm

    Wow! Crazy? No. Funny? Creative?Addictive blog? YES! Be proud of your accomplishments,girl, and it sounds your dreams are as silly as some of mine!

  7. 7

    kimberly h — June 18, 2012 @ 3:33 pm

    we are like long lost sisters…i dream in details and colors as well ! I have avoided petit four s because i was afraid to fail – somehow your story left me with a HUGE grin on my face and failing doesnt seem as though it will be so terrible. best of luck to you, im adding your blog to my favorites list and intend to visit often.

  8. 8

    mary lamuno — February 6, 2013 @ 9:20 pm

    out of all the links, which glaze recipe did you use? it looks
    amazing! I can never get it to be so thick yet smooth.

  9. 9

    mary lamuno — February 6, 2013 @ 9:21 pm

    out of all the links, which glaze did you use? I can never get
    it to look so smooth yet thick at the same time. They are
    trully adorable!

    • Jessica replied: — February 7th, 2013 @ 4:28 pm

      Honestly Mary, it’s been SO long (3 years!) that I can’t remember which one I used. However I am sure I used my stand mixer to get the icing so smooth!

  10. 10

    Marjory Betchkal — March 12, 2014 @ 2:04 pm

    Jessica, my gosh I am laughing and my coworkers think I have gone mad. What a story. This made my day. I had a horrible night last night and have been so blue all day and I was just looking at your recipes and found this. You took me out of my funk. Thank you.

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