I have never been a big fan of Valentine’s day. It has never, ever gone my way. EVER.
2nd grade: Every girl in class got a flower but me. They ran out and my last name started with a W.
5th grade: I got 17 carnations because I was the first girl to get actual boobs. And from then on I became the most hated girl in 5th grade.
8th grade: My “boyfriend” broke up with me the day before Valentine’s Day.
10th grade: I broke up with my first real boyfriend right before Valentine’s Day and he still gave me a huge teddy bear and begged for me back in the school parking lot and when I said no he cried…and then his Mother showed up and begged me to take her son back….all in front of the new guy I liked. Talk about wanting to be swallowed up by a hole in the earth. P.S. To make matters worse he was a senior and I was a sophomore. P.S.S. No I don’t want to talk about why I was dating such a loser.
12th grade: I got stood up. It wasn’t on purpose or anything…he was in a car accident. No really, he was. I had to go give him a ride home. But the 30 minutes of sitting in a restaurant all alone on vday waiting for your date to show up? Excruciatingly painful.
And now today, Sunday, I was just informed that I will be all alone for Valentine’s Day. Jorge apparently had a last minute work change and will be flying out to Atlanta on Monday night to avoid the shame of not having a cool gift like these for me for work. It all really sucks…because V-Day is one of the big reasons people get married. Don’t believe me? I promise getting married comes down to three big reasons, #1: having a guaranteed date for Valentine’s Day, #2 The Gifts, and #3 the whole not dying alone part.
But I digress to a more important topic than me whining about why I hate Dooms Day Valentine’s Day and how I am going to spend it with a big bottle of Merlot. I have a surprise for all my single ladies out there! His name is Ethan and he wants to take you on a date! He has cooked up a 3 course meal, promises to do the dishes, and he’s cute! AND he is a food blogger! So don’t tell me I never gave you anything, because here he is, your get out of V-Day hell card!
*I have been getting lots of emails lately lecturing me about things I am writing about or saying here on this blog. I would like to state that this blog is full of sarcasm. For example, do I really think that cynically of marriage? No. Is it funny to write like that? Yes. If you don’t think so, please don’t email me saying you don’t. I don’t care. Move onto another blog please! Smooches!