You don’t want to see under his fig leaf

My Granny’s birthday is coming up very soon and I have been on the hunt of what to get her. She is quite possibly, impossible to buy for. It’s one of those issues where you think, What do you buy someone who already has everything she wants? So I finally came up with a great idea. I would get her a garden caddy (i.e. a garden wagon type thing) and she won’t have to lug everything around and will have a place to sit while she works.

Too bad my Papa already bought her that for her birthday. Thank God I told my Mom my idea…otherwise she would have opened two wagons. So back to the drawing board for me.

Me and Google:

Gifts for women…..umm no I am not buying my Granny all the seasons of Sex & The City.

Gifts for older women….what? No my Granny doesn’t need a bejeweled cane.

Gifts for Grandmothers….No way. My Granny is not the “Me Loves Me Granny” sweatshirt wearing type.

Gifts for Gardeners?…….


What the fig is that? Is that really a Fat David?

Oh yes, yes it is. I’m sorry, it’s actually a “Super-Sized David Garden Sculpture“.

Here is how it is so tactfully described:

“Classic art is busting out at the seams! If Michelangelo’s famous David was resculpted today by someone who’d recently been to a fast food joint, he just might have conjured up this super-sized fellow! Hand-cast in quality designer resin, complete with modesty fig leaf for display in home or garden, there’s definitely more to love with this Toscano exclusive!”

Yes, this is it dear Google. I want to give my Granny a big fat statue of David for the low price of $99! What a steal! He will look perfect next to the tomatoes and bell peppers.

And with that pensive look he has, I just can’t help wonder what he is pondering so intently….

“Are people looking at my moobs (man boobies)?”

“I have been rocking the McDreamy hair cut long before he was born. Why does he get all the credit?”

“Do you think they are laughing at the size of my fig leaf?”

“Do I have cankles?”

So now the question is, would you put One Too Many Figs David in your garden? Or better yet, as the description states, in your house on display?

And of course I have to know, what do you think Davie here is pondering so deeply?