You don’t want to see under his fig leaf*

My Granny’s birthday is coming up very soon and I have been on the hunt of what to get her. She is quite possibly, impossible to buy for. It’s one of those issues where you think, What do you buy someone who already has everything she wants? So I finally came up with a great idea. I would get her a garden caddy (i.e. a garden wagon type thing) and she won’t have to lug everything around and will have a place to sit while she works.

Too bad my Papa already bought her that for her birthday. Thank God I told my Mom my idea…otherwise she would have opened two wagons. So back to the drawing board for me.

Me and Google:

Gifts for women…..umm no I am not buying my Granny all the seasons of Sex & The City.

Gifts for older women….what? No my Granny doesn’t need a bejeweled cane.

Gifts for Grandmothers….No way. My Granny is not the “Me Loves Me Granny” sweatshirt wearing type.

Gifts for Gardeners?…….

*Snort*

What the fig is that? Is that really a Fat David?

Oh yes, yes it is. I’m sorry, it’s actually a “Super-Sized David Garden Sculpture“.

Here is how it is so tactfully described:

“Classic art is busting out at the seams! If Michelangelo’s famous David was resculpted today by someone who’d recently been to a fast food joint, he just might have conjured up this super-sized fellow! Hand-cast in quality designer resin, complete with modesty fig leaf for display in home or garden, there’s definitely more to love with this Toscano exclusive!”

Yes, this is it dear Google. I want to give my Granny a big fat statue of David for the low price of $99! What a steal! He will look perfect next to the tomatoes and bell peppers.

And with that pensive look he has, I just can’t help wonder what he is pondering so intently….

“Are people looking at my moobs (man boobies)?”

“I have been rocking the McDreamy hair cut long before he was born. Why does he get all the credit?”

“Do you think they are laughing at the size of my fig leaf?”

“Do I have cankles?”

So now the question is, would you put One Too Many Figs David in your garden? Or better yet, as the description states, in your house on display?

And of course I have to know, what do you think Davie here is pondering so deeply?

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9 Responses to “You don’t want to see under his fig leaf”

  1. 1

    Lindsay @ The Lean Green Bean — March 7, 2011 @ 8:08 am

    that is, quite possibly, the worst statue i’ve ever seen :)

  2. 2

    Evan Thomas — March 7, 2011 @ 9:31 am

    He’s definitely thinking “Did I leave my pants in that McDonalds bathroom?”

    • Jessica replied: — March 8th, 2011 @ 1:14 am

      Ha! Yes!! I think that is exactly what he is thinking!

  3. 3

    Dionne @ Try Anything Once — March 7, 2011 @ 2:03 pm

    I can say without a doubt that I would not buy this David nor would I be thrilled if someone brought this over as a present…

    He’s got a hankering for the stuffed shells you made and he wants a meringue kiss! I’m pretty sure that’s what he’s thinking about.

    • Jessica replied: — March 8th, 2011 @ 1:15 am

      You are so right! LOL ;-)

  4. 4

    Megan Elaine — March 7, 2011 @ 2:14 pm

    Oh my gosh – YES!!! If I had a garden to put Fat David in, he would so be there! hahah

    I bet he’s thinking of a good Creamy Chicken Pesto Pasta – how very Italian of him. Caprese? Caprese and vino!

    • Jessica replied: — March 8th, 2011 @ 1:15 am

      Lots and Lots and LOTS of Vino!

  5. 5

    Sharlene — March 8, 2011 @ 7:32 am

    Ahahaha this isn’t going anywhere near my house!

  6. 6

    Anna Johnston — March 9, 2011 @ 1:57 am

    I’d buy him FOR SURE… He is a hoot! Mr HG would find this ridiculously hilarious. Yep, gonna purchase this little porka and pop him in the garden for all to see. :)
    My guess is old man Davie is checking the dirt (Dead Skin) under his fingernail. :)

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