Dear Baby Sister*

Dear Haley,

Today you got your drivers license and I am not going to lie, I have been shitting bricks every time I think about it worried about this day for a long time. I was so happy that you were a total slacker and didn’t get your driving permit on time, because it meant you actually wouldn’t start driving until today, even though you turned 16 back in April. And I was also thrilled that Mom was cheap and didn’t pay for you to go to drivers ed because I had high hopes that you would fail your drivers test. I say all of this because I love you and because I fear for everyone else on the road.

But somehow you passed. I don’t know if Granny gave you money to bribe whoever passed you or if you sold all your Lady Gaga posters on Ebay to get the money…but either way Congrats. I really mean it. Ok, maybe not. I know this makes me sound like an old lady, but seriously you are growing up WAY too fast! That 8 year age gap seems to grow smaller and smaller each year…or I am just growing older and not wanting to acknowledge it….either way.

So I want to tell you 16 things that I wish I had known between the ages of 16 and 21. A lot happens in those 5 years and since I didn’t have an older sister to tell me these things, I had to learn them the hard way. I promise you want to learn them the easy way. Just, for once, listen to your sister.

1. Stay Weird. Most people say that you spend all of your middle school years trying to find yourself. I however think everyone spends that time trying to fit in. But over the next 5 years is when you will really start to figure out who you want to be in life.

2. If genetics work like I think they do, you are destined to do stupid stuff. Try to stop yourself. Try really hard.

3. Do not use Sun In in your hair. Seriously, don’t. It’s a horrible idea. Also do not get a perm no matter how much the stylist convinces you that you will have beautiful loose curls. You will come out of that place looking like Mom did in the 80’s.

4. Boys that wear as much eyeliner as you do, play for the other team. However, gay men are much more fun to be around than straight men so ask him to show you how he gets his eyeliner so perfect.

5. If you’re worried about someone not liking you, first ask yourself whether they’re an asshole. If you don’t like them, and they don’t like you, that’s not a problem. That’s a mutual understanding.

6. And while we are on that note, don’t say anything behind someone’s back you wouldn’t say to their face.

7. Stop worrying what everyone thinks. No one’s looking at you. People are by nature self-centered so guess what? They’re all thinking everyone’s looking at them too.

8. Family is the most important thing in this world. They are the only ones who will have your best interest at heart every time.

9. Leave something to the imagination. When you dress, show off only one aspect. Show off your legs and cover the top. Or vice versa.

10. Boys are stupid. They don’t have a clue until they are at least 25. This is why you will need good girl friends.

11. Don’t rush into sex. Penises are gross and you only get to do it once despite what those idiot “born again virgins” on tv say.

12. Dump The Boy. (-from Abby)  While you may not be dating anyone seriously now, remember one thing when you are. Respect. If he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t deserve you.

13. Don’t sneak out of the house. Mom has eyes in the back of her head and Dad wakes up at the oddest hours. You will be at college in 2 years, whatever you wanted to do will be just as fun then.

14. Money will always be a problem. How to get it. How to get more. And how to spend it. So start a savings account for when things go bad. If you put away just $10 every day, at the end of the year you will have $3500 for when your car breaks down or your roommate skips out on rent.

15. The world is much bigger then you realize now and things that you think are the end of the world, really are nothing to worry about. (-from Abby)

16. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that you are happy. If you are happy, everything else will fall into place.

Oh and one last thing. You know that little iPhone you love? It’s in my name. Which means that I can log in at anytime and look and see exactly when you sent a text message. So if I find out you are texting and driving I will disable your phone. :-)

I love you,


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21 Responses to “Dear Baby Sister”

  1. 1

    Diana Falcon (Nora) — July 7, 2011 @ 9:28 pm

    Oh lord! Are we that old already? & I agree, even though we (jess and i) learned the hard way on most of these tips, its true. Enjoy the young life, just not too much lol 😀 Happy driving Haley (mostly ’cause you live in a different state now and now down the road, haha jkjk).

    Miss yall bunches!

  2. 2

    Diana Falcon (Nora) — July 7, 2011 @ 9:28 pm

    NOT** down the road oops.

  3. 3

    Mrs. Fish — July 7, 2011 @ 9:35 pm

    What a sweet message to your little sister!

  4. 4

    Christy — July 7, 2011 @ 9:36 pm

    Awesome. Just awesome. You’re a great sister.

  5. 5

    Dianna @ The Kitchen Prep — July 7, 2011 @ 11:07 pm

    LOVE this. Partially because it is funny & true all at the same time, but even more so because I, too, have a “little” sister. She is 10 years younger than I am and will be turning 20 in September {which I am in denial about because that means I will be turning 30. Mathematically, anyway…} When you are so far apart in age, I feel like something really special happens to the sisterly bond. Our “baby” sisters are lucky to have us trailblazers pave the way {and exhaust our parents so they’re too tired to yell at them nearly as much when their turn comes. lol}, aren’t they? :) Congrats to the new driver!

  6. 6

    Haley (your kid sister) — July 7, 2011 @ 11:41 pm

    Ok, so this made me tear up! Lol I’m such a loser sometimes. But I love you!! These 16 tips will definitely help me out, (especially 1 & 2) Lol. Don’t worry, I’m not growing up too quickly. I’ll still be stealing your Britney Spears & Spice Girls CDs when you’re not paying attention, & walking in your high heels when you’re not home. Thanks for all of the nice comments from everyone as well! Just remember, keep your kids off of the sidewalks for a little while.
    Also, Jess, don’t fret about texting. I have so many other things to distract me! Like Tumblr, Facebook, Angry Birds…. this could go on for a while… (;
    Lol. I love you, and miss you.
    Love always,
    The Brat.

  7. 7

    Melba — July 7, 2011 @ 11:59 pm

    This is such a sweet note to your sister. My boys are 7 years apart. Evan will be 21 and Jake is 14. Evan has always been like a father figure to Jake, always giving him advice and keeping him in check. Wait till she graduates from high school. Ugh… that was a hard day. And your not even the Mom! LOL!

  8. 8

    Jessica — July 8, 2011 @ 12:20 am

    OMG we really are getting old, I remember when she was just a tiny little bratty sister, which she still is a tiny sister, but OMG driving. Next will be Graduation! Oh yea did I mention Cheyenne is 11! I think you are right about the whole “us not admitting to how old we are!”

    Love ya!

  9. 9

    Traci — July 8, 2011 @ 1:19 am

    Awwww how sweet. I remember when Haley was just starting kindergarten and instead of saying good, it was gerd. Great memories :)
    Miss both of y’all.

  10. 10

    Maris (In Good taste) — July 8, 2011 @ 3:40 am

    I am reading this with tears in my eyes. What a sweet sweet thing for you to do!

  11. 11

    Apron Appeal — July 8, 2011 @ 6:40 am

    My sister and I are 8 years apart too. I would add to number 6-just because you have the cojones to say something to someones face rather than behind their back…doesn’t mean you should.

  12. 12

    Tina — July 8, 2011 @ 1:45 pm

    LOVE this. Funny, sweet, and RIGHT all at the same time :)

  13. 13

    Robert L Davis — July 8, 2011 @ 1:48 pm

    I really loved the first tip! We waste so much time trying to be the same as everyone else when we’re growing up, but once we grow up, it’s what makes us different that attacts us to people.

    What may seem like an annoying quirk to a 16 year-old may be the very thing that makes the person you end up spending your life with fall in love with you.

  14. 14

    Ally Lynn — July 8, 2011 @ 1:53 pm

    I like the P.S. at the bottom!

  15. 15

    Rachel @ The Avid Appetite — July 8, 2011 @ 7:59 pm

    This is so sweet and adorable! I have 2 younger sisters so I totally understand your fears about driving – it IS scary with so many horrible drivers on the road!

  16. 16

    Laura — July 9, 2011 @ 3:27 pm

    This is so sweet! I have a little sister 8 years younger than myself too so I know exactly how you feel!

  17. 17

    Paula — July 13, 2011 @ 11:36 am

    What a fantastic post to an adorable little sister! My grand-daughters are seven years apart and I can imagine the oldest saying all of this to her younger sister in 14-15 years from now.

    Haley is very lucky to have such a loving sister :)

  18. 18

    Kita — July 13, 2011 @ 9:18 pm

    What priceless advice. I read through all and nodded and smiled. What I would have given to have an older sister tell me such things (though I would have been far to stubborn to listen). Congratulations on having one another :) There is nothing like family.

    3. Do not use Sun In in your hair. Seriously, don’t. It’s a horrible idea. Also do not get a perm no matter how much the stylist convinces you that you will have beautiful loose curls. You will come out of that place looking like Mom did in the 80′s.

    and that one – oh yeah, been there, regretted that….

  19. 19

    The Novice Chef » Brown Butter Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls — March 8, 2012 @ 8:59 pm

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  20. 20

    Kitty — April 30, 2012 @ 2:38 am

    I, too, am very lucky to have an older sister 7 years older than I am. Through all the changes from childhood, to adulthood, and life, she’s become and still is one of my closest friends and confidantes. We’ve switched the “big kid” role around so many times, because she’s so sweet and kind, that I’ve learned to look out for her too… no one messes with my sister!

    She’s a beautiful girl, and hope she doesn’t mess with that too much either… yes, do NOT use sun in. Ever. Because you know what happens after you use too much sun in, after the horrible orange it sends your lovely chestnut hair?

    You have to regrow your hair, because it’s so dead the hairdresser says we can’t fix it, the dye won’t change the fact it’s badly bleached and destroyed! Two years to grow back hair to a decent length.

  21. 21

    The Novice Chef » Turkey Sloppy Joes — April 30, 2012 @ 3:06 pm

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